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Pandora photos on Flickr. Lucubrations topic 2 – Cross- dressing as a Hobby vs.

Cross- dressing as a Vice Before I begin let me make two clarifications that explain the context in which I will be using two terms hereinafter: 1. I will use the word “hobby” loosely even though it is clear that even though we could consider cross- dressing a hobby, it was not by choice that we practice it but rather as a necessity. From now on, I will use the term “cross- dresser” to refer to a genetic male that, through a birth predisposition, needs and enjoys wearing women’s clothes and assumes the mannerisms of a woman. Watch Carry On Girls Megavideo there. In the previous topic I assumed that, as a heterosexual CD, I could only talk from my point of view but after a long discussion with dear friend, who is gay and also CD, we came to the conclusion that there is no difference in the way we approach our dressing. I am attracted to women and he is attracted to men but neither of us dresses to attract men or women. We do it for the sensations and excitement it produces in us and has no sexual connotations except for the sexual arousal, discussed earlier, that I argue is caused by the transformation of a man into a woman.

What I am trying to say and hope you understand, after talking to my friend, is that a CD could be heterosexual, bisexual or homosexual but cross- dressing has nothing to do with his sexuality. In this context, a “Drag Queen” is not a CD but rather a performer since true gay CDs dress as common women and do not look flashy or exaggerated in any aspect.

For non- CD people it is difficult to understand this behavior given that clothing and deportment have much to do with a person’s gender but we all know that gender and sex are not the same. This is an interesting topic for a forum and I might go back to it in time. Let’s move on now to CDing as a pastime or hobby versus CDing as a vice… I have never agreed nor liked the statement that part as a joke and part as a belief some people cite when asked about the difference between a cross- dresser and a transsexual.

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The response that I am sure most of you have heard is “5 years”, pretending to imply that if you are a cross- dresser will inevitably end up physically changing your gender after a period of time. Even though it is argued that both transsexuals and cross- dresses are born as such, I am sure that one is not the initial stage in a path to the other. Granted that there are similarities, especially with regards to wearing feminine clothes, there are substantial differences that a confirmed cross- dresser, like me, and a true male to female transsexual can easily describe and identify.

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This is not the topic I want to discuss this time but I felt I should start with this distinction because many cross- dressers get so absorbed by the feelings and sensations of wearing feminine clothes that they tend to believe that their lives would be better if they stayed like that permanently and go to extremes that they, eventually, may regret. I feel I have the right to make that affirmation because I was there at one point in my life. When I left my home for college in the US and lived there for 3 years on my own, I saw the perfect opportunity to dress as much as I could in a place where nobody new me. I was 2. 6 years old, 5’6” and weighed 1. As soon as I found a place to live, I shaved my legs for the first time in my life and went shopping for all I needed to become Cristy with no restrictions or fears.

For a year I would go out each chance I had and had no problem passing. I did not know any other TG people so I mostly went out on my own.

I was so thrilled and confident with my success passing for a woman that it lead me to think that my life would be happier if I stayed that way and began searching for information in the psychology library at the university. It was 1. 98. 6- 8. Internet was used merely for text communication, much like chat applications today.

I sometimes wonder if the path I took then would have been different if the Internet had been in the state it is today but, looking in retrospective, I have never regretted how my life turned out. All the information I was able to find in books about gender identity dealt with transsexuality so I was led to believe that I was transsexual. I wondered why I was not attracted to men and why during my childhood I loved sports and boy games and toys. I had a normal childhood and adolescence as a boy except for the fact that I liked trying on my mother’s clothes. So as you can imagine, with all the freedom I had in my late twenties, I was confused between my reality and the amazing sensations I felt while dressed out there in the real world and being perceived and accepted as a woman.

For about a year, I continued going out often regardless of time of the day and continued reading on the topic. However, I would feel lonely interacting only with store clerks and small talk with people I ran into and not being able to share my excitement with anyone. I felt the need to reveal my secret to someone but had nobody I could trust until I met this girl from my country. We became friends and would meet with other friends for partying and dinner, me in boy mode. Watch A Perfect World Vioz there. After some time I was so anxious and confused with regards to my gender identity that I came out to her asking if she could go out with me dressed as a girl.

I showed her photos and she said that she needed to see me dressed in real life before responding to my request. We planned for me to dress in front of her one night and her reaction after she saw the result is still vivid in my mind, as she said, “you are a babe!” You can imagine how great I felt after someone who knew me in male mode complimented me in such a way! After making sure that I was able to look the part, she then agreed to go out with me, dressed, the following weekend. For those of you who know my story, this girl would then become my girlfriend and has now been my wife for almost 2. Being the amazing woman she has always been, the first thing she did, before our first girls- day- out came, was to visit a psychologist at the university health department to ask him if she would cause any harm to me by doing what I had asked of her.

The psychologist replied that not only there would be no harm but that, on the contrary, she would help me a great deal. He also asked if he could see me to find out more about my situation. She had me call and set an appointment but before I saw him, we went out for the first time and I felt on cloud nine. I finally had someone with whom I could share my feminine persona and who would accept me as Cristy. The day of my appointment with the psychologist came and for the first time, after seeing many therapists who were clueless on gender identity, back at home, I was with someone who knew about the issues and made a lot of sense. I was in boy mode and told him that I loved being Cristy and that I thought I wanted to become a woman.

He said that to be certain I would need to see someone who specialized in gender identity to get diagnosed and then go through all the requirements needed, which he vaguely explained. He also mentioned that in his opinion I was a heterosexual cross- dresser in which case all I could do was to learn to live with it because there was no cure and that, as was the case with transsexuals, we were born that way. Being influenced by all I had read, in my mind I was not a CD and made an appointment with the gender identity specialist.